They Had Forgotten How to Be Cows

This just came to me. I thought I would write it down.

Complexity

Things in life can get complex.

You start off in a fairly simple place: "Hi, I've got nothin'."

Then, you find some opportunities and suddenly, "Wow. I've got a little something."

You start trying to acquire more, but what happens? It's easy to forget who you used to be when you had nothing. Suddenly, instead of being defined by who you are, PLUS the fact that you one day want something, you find yourself having something, but wanting to be MORE SUCCESSFUL at it.  Personal sacrifice, planning, single-minded focus, all of the positive traits that are required for success, ironically, force you to leave that simple part of yourself dormant.  Not gone, or sold, or damaged, but definitely compromised.

One day the questions become, "When does success end? At what point do I WIN? At what point can I be the person that had nothing again and say, at long last, 'THIS IS MINE?'"

What does it mean? Is it the striving? Is it the absence of failure?  Is it a distraction?

When you wake up and say, "I miss the way it was when I had nothing," do you mean it? Did you just say that? Time for another meeting.

After the meeting, you think that fulfillment and acquisition might be two different things.  You want to ask someone in the office, but the only people you could talk to are your best friend, who can't know that you're maybe not successful, or the stupid bastard you work with.  He would probably make some stupid comment and then tell a story about his own life.  God, you hate that guy.

Bills have to get paid, your cell phone is dead, you didn't expect to have to replace it so soon, but suddenly there is another expense!  You are broke, but you still have success enough to know that you could be doing a dozen things right now and be praised for them.

You ask yourself, "If, when I had nothing, I felt content, and now, I feel only loss that I have over-reached my budget, how am I better off? Having the money didn't make you content, you suggest, it merely made it more comfortable.  I never worried when I had nothing, I never had to go through this, why is it so complex?"

Suddenly, you hear an answer:  "Because, when you had nothing, you had no idea of what you were missing."